The art of killing a conscience

The Art of Killing a Conscience

Rev. Jerry J Pokorsky

“For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother, and sister, and mother.” (Mt. 12:50) To be a member of the family of Jesus we must do the will of His Father. In short, do good and avoid evil, allowing an informed conscience, properly formed, to be our guide. But first we must truly desire to be a member of the Lord’s family. Sometimes we don’t. We do, after all, have a free will.

So it is that the peskiest thing in life is an agitated conscience. It can ruin our day to say nothing of our years. Even the self-medication of booze and drugs only extinguishes the sting for only a few hours here and there. So we may consider a few techniques to silence a nervous conscience. Here are a few tips on how to wrestle with one’s conscience -- and win.

First, we must know our enemy. Conscience is the voice of God, informed by His revelation through the Church, directing us to choose the good and disturbing us when we plot or commit an evil act. The more we respond to the disturbances with good choices, we become virtuous. When we repeatedly neglect the voice of conscience, we become vicious, that is, vice-filled. Viciousness comes in many forms and isn’t restricted to acts of violence. One can be filled with vice and still be considered a very nice person. We need not be judgmental.

Second, shoot to kill your conscience. In her novel Wise Blood, Flannery O'Connor's anti-Christ protagonist Hazel Motes is discharged from the Army and escapes to the big city: “I'm gonna do some things I've never done before…,” he declares. (A lot like politicians coming to Washington.) Hazel is a simple soul and without guile, he rejects his Christian upbringing. But before Hazel can continue with his anti-Christ ministry, it is necessary for him to wrestle with his conscience and win. Here is his sage advice: "Your conscience is a trick...it don't exist...if you think it does, you had best hunt it down and kill it….”

Third, crowd out conscience with the pleasures of life. As an unsophisticated anti-Christ, Hazel continues to feel the need for ministry as a street corner anti-Christ preacher, declaring, “I’m member and preacher to that church where the blind don’t see and the lame don’t walk and whats dead stays that way… Jesus was a liar.” After purchasing a used car clunker for $200 he adds, “Nobody with a good car needs to be justified.” We sophisticates, of course, wouldn’t be so forthright in our denial of Christ. But Hazel’s point still has merit. When all is going well and we’re comfortable, there's not much room for a Savior.

Fourth, surround yourself with yes-men. King David initially succeeds in avoiding the sting of conscience after his adulterous affair with Bathsheba and arranging for the death of Bathsheba’s husband to cover up his sin. Taking Bathsheba into his home, he tries to live happily ever after. He succeeds for a time. But he makes one big mistake. He hires Nathan as the court prophet. Nathan fears God more than his boss. So he finally catches up with the king with his, “Thou art the man!” indictment reigniting David’s dormant conscience. This time, David loses to the sting of conscience and he sits down to write Psalm 51, a masterpiece of sorrow and repentance. A corollary to the need to enlist yes-men as friends: If you plan to kill your conscience, do NOT read Psalm 51. Ever.

Fifth, never admit weakness. Saint Peter was never a match for his conscience. After boasting that he would never deny Jesus, he fails. Three times. Cock-a-doodle-doo. But the poor man’s humility drives him back to Jesus, Who forgives him and challenges him to love. And love Peter does, proclaiming Jesus, until Nero’s soldiers catch up with him, crucifying him in the Roman Circus. Losing one’s life in the service of the Gospel happens. For Peter, it had all begun when he admitted his weakness during his first encounter with Jesus: “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.” (Lk. 5:8) If at first, you don’t succeed with conscience-killing bravado, try, try again.

Sixth, if you’re going to deny God, keep God out of your atheism – if you can. Flannery O’Connor’s Hazel Motes ultimately succumbs to the dictates of his conscience because he can’t shut up about the non-existence of Jesus. If you want to kill your conscience, make God irrelevant to your life and never, ever think of Jesus. Spoiler alert: Hazel dies a destitute mystic, a tragic figure in the eyes of the world. But he enters eternity with a calm conscience and peace of soul.

The truth is, appearances aside, God indeed has absolute dominion. Romano Guardini, the great 20th-century theologian, poses this question in The Faith and Modern Man: “Does human life give the impression of being governed by moral law? Does God truly reign in men’s consciences? In many, yes; in everyone at times; in human consciences generally....” He adds his impression that “God’s will-to-goodness” is largely absent in the world. But he insists God’s greatness includes His respect for human freedom. God’s only leverage when it comes to human freedom is the conscience He has made a part of every man.

When we reject the sting of conscience, when we bury it with self-justification of long past sins, we win only for a time, and in winning through the defeat of conscience we lose. Guardini, again: “…our eyes turn to that great event, the final judgment when God’s sovereignty will be manifest to all. Then everyone will see that never for a moment has man escaped the sovereignty of God.”

Maybe it’s time to stop wrestling with our consciences and surrender in all humility to the voice of God. We may not avoid the trials and tribulations of the Cross in this life, but we will certainly rise with Christ to an eternity of peace. Saint Hazel Motes, pray for us.