Sleepwalking in the Faith

Sleepwalking in the Faith

Rev. Jerry J. Pokorsky

Once I was a freshly minted deacon on my way to the priesthood. An elderly man approached me after Mass at the time and said with some urgency that he wanted to learn how to pray. I assumed he approached me because, by then, I was clearly an expert on prayer. I was much younger and a lot smarter. So I asked him about his Mass attendance and his devotion to the Rosary. Surprisingly, he said he never missed Mass and he recited the Rosary daily. But he was truly distraught at his inability to converse with God.

It didn’t take me long to realize that he wasn’t asking me how to pray. God Himself was asking me through the man whether I knew how to pray. As we habitually go through the motions of sacramental rituals, we usually feel that something good is accomplished. True enough. Ritual, like the changing of the guard in the military, ensures that the basics get done. And the basics are essential. But that bar is very low.

The Apostles asked Jesus to teach them to pray. And the Lord taught them the Our Father. So when we consciously recite that beautiful prayer, we can rest confident that we are taking dictation from God and making His words our prayer. When a person is dying and apparently unconscious, and as the priest begins the Our Father, it’s beautiful to behold parched lips moving ever so slightly in prayer.

Nicodemus’ encounter with Jesus provides us with another model for prayer. Nicodemus, of course, sought Jesus in secret for fear of the Pharisees. And as he enters into conversation with Jesus, he’s inquisitive and respectful. Jesus rewards him with a most memorable revelation: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life.” Salvation for the asking! The Lord provides many grace-filled insights when we are inquisitive and respectful in prayer.

Some prayer can be just raw emotion in God’s presence. When the penitent Mary Magdalen returned to Jesus, she said nothing. She wept in His presence and offered Him homage, washing His feet with her tears. The evangelists do not record any words of Our Lady, at the foot of the Cross. Yet her sorrow in union with Christ on the Cross earned her the title, Co-Redemptrix of mankind. At times, prayer can be as simple as expressing our joys and our sorrows in all honesty to the Lord, pouring out our hearts to Him with very few words.

There is a common spiritual malaise that equates negative feelings with sin. Some people become distraught when they “don’t feel close enough” to God. Others, feeling the desolation of sorrow and even anger, feel like sinners because of the discomfort caused by emotion. Some even conclude that deep sorrow is a sin of despair. But it’s likely their only sin – or perhaps defect – is their fear. They can’t bring themselves to “complain to God” because they somehow think it’s disrespectful to His Majesty.

So we often neglect the passionate prayers of the Psalms. Psalm 64 begins with, “Hear me O Lord, as I complain.” There’s nothing wrong with honestly presenting our complaints and disappointments to God the most High. And there is no reason for us to fear to make our own the terrible Psalm of distress recited by Jesus on the Cross: “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me!” He wants to save us. He wants us to enter into conversation with Him.

Sometimes a man’s humility is not just for show, but actually reveals the truth about himself. Early in the ministry of Christ Jesus directed Peter and Andrew to cast out their nets. They were fishing all night and caught nothing, but they obeyed. And a great catch of fish ensued with nets breaking and boat sinking. But when Simon Peter saw the miracle, he fell down at Jesus' knees, saying, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord."

Jesus rewarded Peter’s humility. "Do not be afraid; henceforth you will be catching men." Peter, of course, would become the first of the Apostles. And what he acknowledged in true humility – his sinfulness – became ever so apparent as the Gospels played out. When we pray, we should not be discouraged because of our countless and repeated sins of weakness, as long as we, like Peter, repeatedly return to the Lord for forgiveness and strength.

Many years ago as I was visiting the sick in the hospital, I met a devout older gentleman. He was dying; he was serene. He said it took him many years to rest secure in his faith. He added how wonderful it was that I had found the Catholic Faith as a young man. I responded with awkward words of wisdom: “Most of us go through periods in our lives when we forget about God and stop going to Church. It is a true grace to return to the full practice of the Faith.”

The man surprised me with his reply. He said that he never left the practice of the Faith. He said he attended Mass every Sunday and kept up a good Confession schedule. But shortly before his terminal illness, he said he began to realize that he was merely “sleepwalking in the Faith.” He was not really conversing with God in prayer. He was just going through the motions, deceiving others and deceiving himself – but unable to deceive God.

Like the older gent who asked me to teach him to pray, I realized that God also sent this man to me to challenge my complacency. And so I challenge you. Have you lost the desire to converse with Jesus? Are you just going through the motions, sleepwalking in the faith?